It's OK to not be OK.
But I'm back (yay! all the virtual hugs and cheers!) and I'm feeling much better.
If you read my REINVENT YOURSELF post, you would have remembered that I set goals to blog more, think positively, and to take advantage of the places around me and include them in my photos. But my goals are intentions, aka. ways I could improve myself, not things I HAD to get done.
I didn't want to force myself into doing something that I didn't feel mentally ready to do.
A few days ago things got a little too much for me. I felt as if the longer I hung around my friends (even my closest ones) I had to hold this level of happiness and wear it every day, like makeup on my face. That the longer I wore it the heavier and more patchy it got- the more I just wanted to wash it off.
Like I had this "expectation" that I was supposed to be this super positive and happy girl all the time.
The other day was kind of like looking in the mirror for the first time in a while. Looking at myself, I realized that I felt suppressed by what I was carrying around on me day in and day out.
That I'm not the one to cry, even when I did.
The tears just rolled out of me like the cap had popped off a bottle, that the bottle was my mind bubbled up with thoughts.
I was firstly told by my mum that it's OK to be OK. Following that, I received a text that told me, I did good. That I am a work in progress, and that I could win this tournament and be happy... Signed, my biggest fan, Her.
I was reassured that even if something had not gone how I planned, there would always another path and that I had to stop comparing myself to other people.
And that's OK. It's okay to have a little break down in front of your mum and your best friend because they're there to listen to you. Nobody should feel like they have to wear a smile on their face when that smile doesn't want to be shown.
Although it's been much longer than I originally planned, but I just want to let you know posts will still be going up, just at my own pace.
And I also hope you guys are still here for me, even if I decide to not post on a regular basis!